Week 5 NFL Betting Picks By Rusty
To all the Rusty super fans I’m sorry I didn’t have any articles out the last few weeks. I was MIA traveling for a couple weeks but back and better than ever. With that being said, I want to add a warning here that I did not get to watch any games the last two weeks. Apparently I needed a VPN to access my nfl game pass. I have no idea what a VPN is. I tried to google it and now I’m more confused. So my understanding of the last two weeks purely comes from podcasts and Twitter.
If you didn’t see my last article let me give you some context for how these go. I make picks every game like a true degenerate but I will specify the units. The 1 unit or higher plays are my official picks.
Enter obligatory warning here: *This is not real betting advice. Don’t take anything I say seriously. Yes I will be taking these picks but if you want smart picks check out the other guys. This is all satirical and to add a bit of entertainment to the Happy Hour Team. There’s a good reason I’ve had to reset my Action Network picks every few months.*
TO LONDON WE GO
Jags @ Bills
I saw a werewolf with a betting slip in his hand… walking through the streets of SoHo in the rain.
As a red blooded American I think it’s disgusting we play our glorious sport with a country that thinks that football is soccer. It’s called soccer you scouzers google it. ITS CHEWSSDAY INNNIT BLOODY MATE
Ok I’m done. I just hate England. Anyways let’s look at the game. The Bills just big dicked one of the hottest teams in football and their defense looked very legit. Some may say the Bills were the Royal Family and the Dolphins were princess Dianna (rip). Meanwhile the Jags beat a sorry Falcons team. I’m a big time Jags hater. I think I’ve made that clear. I just don’t get the hype. I’m going with two plays here.
The picks: Bills -5.5 (0.5u) ; Bills TT o27.5 (1u)
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Giants @ Dolphins
The giants are so so bad. They are awful and Danny jones is miserable. Meanwhile the Dolphins are in desperate need for a bounce back game. Granted the bills are a great team but the dolphins showed last week they aren’t ready to hang with the big dogs. What’s the best way to recover from that? Slaughter one of the worst teams in football. Do not overthink this.
Dolphins = good
Giants = horrible
Also the dolphins offense is in a prime spot to hang a 50 burger. They scored over 30.5 in 2/4 games this year and only being held by the Bills and pats. Do we really think the giants can hold them to less than 30.5 points ? No shot.
The picks: Dolphins -11 (1u) ; Dolphins TT o30.5 (3u)
Saints @ Patriots
Kinda a weird game here. Likely one that I won’t get pay attention to except when they pop up on redzone. Saints looked bad last week but the patriots looked horrible and Mac Jones = not the guy. I’m trusting big Bill enough to turn them around for this game.
The pick: Patriots ML (0.5 u)
Ravens @ Steelers
This is easy for me. Going to school at WVU I realized the Steelers may have the most annoying fan base in the country. I know I know everyone talks about the cowboys or duke or lakers fans etc but don’t sleep on how fucking annoying Steelers fans are. “Oh Rusty have you ever heard them play that song on 3rd down omg it’s so cool. Go Lers”. God I hate the yinzers.
The pick: Ravens -4 (0.5u)
Panthers @ Lions
OOF. This is gonna be a schlackin from Dan Campbell and the boys. The lions look incredible this year. The panthers blow. I don’t see any world in which the panthers can slow them down.
The picks: Lions – 10 (1u) ; Lions TT o27.5 (1u)
Texans @ Falcons
I feel like the Texans aren’t getting enough praise from the media this year. Sure they aren’t a contender but they look solid this year. Cj Stroud has looked competent this year and Demeco Ryans gets the boys ready to play. On the other hand the falcons suck. Their offense is a joke. I’m hopping on the Texans bandwagon.
The pick: Texans ML (1u)
Titans @ Colts
Since the preseason I’ve been high on the titans. I still trust in Vrabel and Tractorcito. Last week they looked excellent and I’m expecting that to continue again this week. They embarrassed the bengals last week in the way the titans do best. Jam it down your throat ;). Love this play this week.
The pick: Titans ML (2u)
Bengals @ Cardinals
GROSS. If I didn’t have integrity I’d stay away from this game as far as possible. Who knows. This should be an easy pick right? It’s the bengals and the cardinals? Yet the bengals look awful (maybe time to consider benching Burrow a couple weeks so he can fully recover from injury) and the cardinals look actually ok. Way better then expected. I’m gonna give you degens a prop bet and stay away from these spreads.
The pick: James Conner O58.5 rushing yards (0.5u)
Eagles @ Rams
I think this is one of the most important games of the week. Eagles need a dominate win. They’re 4-0 but they haven’t looked like Super Bowl contenders yet. They’re not dominating like last year. On the other side of the ball the rams have been sneaky decent. If the rams can keep this close or somehow get a win here they need to be seriously in the playoff conversation. I can’t bet on the eagles unless they’re a lock of the week (if you live under a rock I hate the eagles). Gimme ol staffy boy at home.
The pick: Rams +4.5 (0.5u)
Chiefs @ Vikings
Ok I love the Chiefs here. I love them almost too much. Which concerns me. It makes no sense only giving them 4 points. The Vikings are concerning this year. Sure the chiefs didn’t look great last week but that jets defense is very solid. Should be an easy cover for the chiefs. WHICH makes me think that I should take the Vikings. What does Vegas know that we don’t? Will Taylor Swift be in attendance again? That may sway my pick but it’s in Minnesota, no shot she goes there.
The pick: Vikings +4 (0.5u)
Jets @ Broncos
Zach Wilson looked good last week. Playing the chiefs that close was no joke. The broncos barely beat the worst team in the history of the NFL (my beloved bears). How is this almost a pick ‘em. That Jets defense makes me wet and I’m kinda believing in the MILF whisperer again. I sneaky love the jets here. Lowkey.
The pick: Jets ML (2u)
Cowboys @ 49ers
This could arguably be the game of the year and likely the NFC championship matchup this year. Both teams are playing extremely well. If this was a gun to my head you have to pick a winner I’d probably give it to the 49ers. But I think 3.5 points is too much here. I also think this is going to be a shootout. Sure these defense are great but it’s SNF cmon bet the over. Two fun offenses.
The picks: Cowboys +3.5 (1u) ; o45 (1u)
Packers @ Raiders
MNF heads to Vegas as Jordan Love looks to shine in prime time. The spread is basically a pickem and I have significantly more faith in the packers then the raiders.
The pick: Packers ML (1u)
Rusty’s official NFL Week 5 Betting picks
Bills TT o27.5 (1u)
Dolphins -11 (1u)
Dolphins TT o30.5 (3u)
Lions – 10 (1u)
Lions TT o27.5 (1u)
Texans ML (1u)
Titans ML (2u)
Jets ML (2u)
Cowboys +3.5 (1u)
Cowboys/ 49ers Over 45 (1u)
Packers ML (1u)
Cowboys +3.5/ Packers ML
Day games parlay:
Bills ML/ Lions ML/ Dolphins ML
Get rich quick parlay:
Dolphins ML/ Ravens ML/ Titans ML/ Jets ML/ Packers ML
Tease me daddy (6 point) teaser of the week teams I love:
Bills, Lions, Texans, Rams, Jets; my favorite pairing being the Bills and Texans
Thanks for reading! As always plz follow me on Twitter @rustyHHsports
This is an article written by Rusty
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