Transparency is important. Last week was a slaughter. Ya boy got crushed. No bueno. I’m not able to pay rent unless this weekend is a huge huge win. So bear with me this week as I try to save my house, my marriage, and my family in week 7.
As usual I will make plays on every game but my official picks are the 1 unit or higher plays.
Enter obligatory warning here: *This is not real betting advice. Don’t take anything I say seriously. Yes I will be taking these picks but if you want smart picks check out the other guys. This is all satirical and to add a bit of entertainment to the Happy Hour Team. There’s a good reason I’ve had to reset my Action Network picks every few months.*
Jags @ Saints
FUCK the jags. They have fucked me so many times this season and I don’t understand it. Apparently Saints unders are on a crazy hot streak right now. Jags also have a bunch of injuries RN. This feels like a night I might finally get my revenge
The picks: Saints +ML (1u); Under 39.5 (1u); Jags TT U17.5 (0.5u)
Browns @ Colts
The Browns looked very very solid last week against the 49ers. Yes CMAC got hurt and they had other injuries but that browns defense is very legit. On the other side of the ball the Colts blow. I really bought into them last week and I got hurt. I’m hesitant to ever believe in Minshew Magic again. I think the Brownies are about to go on a bit of a run here #StayTuned
The pick: Browns ML (2u)
Bills @ Patriots
The Bills continue to be a big head scratcher for me. They drop 38, 37 and 48 points to start the year. Then in London, 20 points (which it’s London so it happens), but then against the awful giants they only score 14. I know I said last week was a get right game but do you know how perfect of a get right game this is against the failing Belichick Patriots. If the bills don’t score 40 here I’m probably done believing they can make a deep playoff run.
The picks: Bills -9 (1u), Bills TT O24.5 (1u), Patriots TT U15.5 (0.5u)
Raiders @ Bears
This is the ugliest game in NFL history. Brian Hoyer (legend but old) vs Tyson Bagent. This is disgusting. The Bears suck. My life is ruined (again for another year). I have forgotten what happiness feels like.
The pick: u37.5 (0.5u)
Commanders @ NYG
The Giants played well (I guess you can call it that) against the Bills last week. Came down to the final play, it was impressive. Now, their offense is horrible but overall a close game. The Commanders barely beat the Falcons and only won because Desmond Ridder is the worst QB I’ve ever seen touch a football. Just pick a random team here and ride with it.
The pick: Commies ML (0.5u)
Falcons @ Bucs
Feels like a no brainer to me. Sure the Bucs didn’t look great against the Lions but that Lions defense is solid. As I said in my last analysis up there^^ Desmond Ridder is abysmal at throwing a football and making decisions. Should be an easy Bucs win.
The pick: Bucs ML (1.5u)
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Lions @ Ravens
Oh man I can NOT wait for the game. This has game of the week written all over it. I’m still very ride or die for these Lions so giving them 3 points I’ll take it.
The picks: Lions +3 (1u) ; Lions TT O 19.5 (1.5u)
Cardinals @ Seahawks
Well it feels like the real Cardinals are what we saw on Sunday last week. Just sloppy and couldn’t get anything going. On the flip side Seahawks lost a heartbreaker after 2 late redzone chances to beat the Bengals. I think this one turns into a bit more of a shootout.
The picks: Cardinals +7.5 (0.5u) ; Over 44.5 (0.5u)
Steelers @ Rams
Steelers coming off a week 5 emotional victory against the Ravens feels like the ultimate let down spot here. The Rams are still playing very well especially given the expectations this year. And spread covering machines. I also think Matt Canada is one of the worst coordinators in the history of football.
The pick: Rams – 3 (1u)
Packers @ Broncos
Just another disgusting game. Over the last few weeks Jordan Love has shown his true colors and how bad he is at football. The Broncos are an absolute dumpster fire and I’d love nothing more then to see them bench that BUM Russel Wilson.
The pick: Under 45 (0.5u)
Chargers @ Chiefs
I’m calling this the “do they actually suck bowl?” I think these teams might just suck. The Chiefs are 5-1 but besides the Jags and Bears game they have not looked that good. Is Patrick Mahomes already past his prime? Was he just a system QB? And I’m asking the same questions of the Chargers. They may actually suck too.
I’m giving them a chance to both prove me wrong this weekend and get me to believe that these teams are fun again.
The pick: Over 48.5 (1u)
Dolphins @ Eagles
Fuck the Eagles. Fuck their fake ass fans with their little “go birdddss” every 4 seconds as they pound yuengling in the Linc parking lot yet only 1 out of every 50 people there can name more then 2 guys on the team. I can not wait for the Dolphins to expose the Eagles for the absolute frauds that they are.
The picks: Dolphins +2 (1.5u); Dolphins TT O24.5 (1.5u)
49ers @ Vikings
For MNF we head to Minnesota to see how the 49ers bounce back from their loss in Cleveland last week. The Viking barely beat a terrible (and injured Fields) Chicago team. No shot they keep this even within reach.
The pick: 49ers -6.5 (1u)
The official picks for NFL Week 7
Saints ML (1u)
Saints Jags Under 39.5 (1u)
Browns ML (2u)
Bills -9 (1u)
Bills TT O24.5 (1u)
Bucs ML (1.5u)
Lions +3 (1u)
Lions TT O 19.5 (1.5u)
Rams -3 (1u)
Chiefs Chargers o48.5 (1u)
Dolphins +2 (1.5u)
Dolphins TT O24.5 (1.5u)
49ers -6.5 (1u)
Primetime Parlay for Week 7 NFL
Dolphins ML/ 49ers ML
Week 7 NFL Sunday games parlay
Bills ML/ Browns ML/ Rams ML
Get rich quick parlay for Week 7 NFL Betting
Browns ML/ Lions ML/ Bucs ML/ Dolphins ML
Tease me daddy 6 point teaser teams of the week (Week 7 NFL Betting)
Bills/ Lions/ Dolphins/ 49ers
Favorite pairing being Bills Lions
This is an article written by Rusty
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